There is something different about going to church now.

For years, church was simply part of our life. We went every service: Sunday school, morning service, evening service, Wednesday nights. It was what we did. And for a long time, there were parts of it we genuinely enjoyed. We looked forward to Sunday school, and I loved playing in the orchestra and singing in the choir.

But even with those things, after we left and came back things had changed. If I’m honest, looking back now I can see that we had stopped wanting to go for quite a while. We still went, but it felt more like going through the motions, something we were supposed to do rather than something we were drawn to. There was a quiet sense of obligation in it.

When our Sunday school teacher, who was also the music director, announced he was leaving, something shifted for us. It became a kind of quiet countdown. We talked about it and realised that our last Sunday would likely be his, or close to it.

Because when we really thought about it, I was only still going for Sunday school and the music, and my husband was mostly going for me.

And neither of those are reasons to stay.

After we left, I expected something to feel different. I thought Sundays might feel empty, or that I might feel like I was letting the Lord down by not being in church. But it didn’t feel that way. It felt… normal. If anything, it felt like something had been lifted.

That was one of the first things that made me realise just how much had changed before we ever left.

Since leaving, something else has stood out as well. Every time we’ve gone to a new church, we’ve been ready early, early enough that we often arrive and sit in the car for a few minutes before going in. Before, we were always rushing and running in just on time or even a few minutes late.

I used to say it was the devil hindering us, trying to keep us from getting to church. But one Sunday, sitting there early at a new church we were trying, I said to my husband:

“Maybe this should tell us something.”

And it did. Perhaps it wasn’t resistance that made Sunday mornings a rush. Perhaps it was that we simply didn’t want to go anymore.

Now, when we visit churches, we are not looking for the same things we once were. We’re not looking for activity or familiarity.

We’re looking for something harder to describe. A sense of rightness.

We notice things more now: how people interact, how the service feels, and whether the message actually reaches us. One of the things we’ve realised is that we don’t want to be overwhelmed when we walk in. Some churches were very welcoming — almost aggressively so — with people coming up immediately, asking questions, and wanting information.

There is nothing wrong with that. But for us, in this stage, it doesn’t feel right.

We are just trying to see if a place fits.

The churches we’ve returned to more than once have something in common. They let you sit. Perhaps one person says hello, and then you’re left to take it in. That feels better to us.

Recently, we visited a Catholic church, and it was completely different from what we were used to. When we walked in, it was quiet: no music, no greetings, just people sitting, praying, and reflecting.

It felt like people had come there for the right reason. To worship.

We didn’t understand everything — the kneeling, the sign of the cross, the structure of the service — but something about it drew us in.

And we found ourselves wanting to understand it.

The readings were laid out clearly, and we felt connected to what was happening. We were engaged in a way that felt different from what we had experienced before. And the message stayed with us. We talked about it afterward and found ourselves continuing those conversations during the week. That hasn’t always been the case.

The more we’ve gone through this process, the more we’ve realised something else. Our faith hasn’t changed in its foundation, but we are re-examining things we were taught, especially about other denominations. It makes us wonder if some of what we were told was shaped more by keeping people within a certain church than by truth itself.

And in a way, this has brought us closer to God. We talk about faith more now than we did before. We think about it more. We are more intentional.

We don’t know exactly where we will end up yet. But we do know what we are looking for.

And that is a place that feels right. A place that draws us closer to God.

And this time, it isn’t about what feels right for anyone else.

It’s about what is right for us.

And trusting that God will lead us there.

— Kate