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I was sitting in a waiting room while my daughter was in surgery, passing the time on my phone, when my mum sent me a message. She asked if my husband was there with me. He wasn’t. Then she said, “You shouldn’t be there alone.”

I remember chuckling a little and asking her why not. She said I should have support, and I understood what she meant. For many people, waiting rooms are the sort of place where you want someone beside you, someone to talk to while the time passes.

But for me, being there alone didn’t feel wrong at all. It felt completely normal.

I have always been comfortable on my own. Even as a child, I was content to sit on my own for long stretches of time. That has never really changed.

When my father passed away, I was nine. I didn’t cry in front of anyone, not because I was holding it in, but because I didn’t feel the need to. Later, on my own, I cried quietly, and that felt more natural to me than doing it in front of other people.

Years later, when my stepfather died, my mum collapsed when she got the call. In that moment, someone had to stay steady, and I did. Not because I made a decision to take on that role, but because that is simply how I respond. I carried on through the flight, through the family gatherings, and through the funeral without falling apart.

Not because I felt nothing, but because I don’t experience things the way most people seem to.

I don’t tend to react outwardly, and if I’m honest, I don’t feel things at the same intensity either. I see situations for what they are, and I move through them without a great deal of emotion attached. That has always been true, even when I was younger.

Over time, I’ve noticed the way people respond to that. There is often a look, a slight pause, as if they’re trying to work out whether I’m holding something back or not feeling what I’m supposed to feel. It isn’t usually said directly, but it’s there.

As if I’m a bit odd.

But there’s nothing missing. I’m not covering anything up, and I’m not trying to appear unaffected. This is simply how I am. I process things quietly, and then I move forward.

Sitting in that waiting room, watching people come and go, I didn’t feel anxious or unsettled. I didn’t feel the need to fill the silence, and I didn’t feel like I should have someone beside me just because that’s what people expect in that sort of moment.

I was exactly where I needed to be.

For some people, being alone like that would feel overwhelming. For me, it feels like space. Space to think, space to sit quietly, space to let things settle without noise or interruption.

That has always been enough for me.

I know that isn’t how most people experience things, and I see it often enough to recognise the difference. But it has never felt like something I needed to change.

So when someone says I shouldn’t be alone, I understand what they mean. They’re speaking from what would feel right to them.

But that isn’t how it feels to me.

— Kate